Love, Mindblowing, Earthshattering, Breathcatching Love

I can't believe it has been four years already. Four years, I mean when you are six that is a lifetime in itself, and now it seems like there never was anything different than this. My life, with my wonderful husband. And these two little girls we have skittering around us making everyday so much more meaningful than the one before, amplifying the love between Seth and I a million fold. I never knew that it could be so satisfying, to have one person, the right person with me all the time. All those boyfriends I cried so bitterly over at the time can't hold a candle to my Seth, my Pookie Bear, my Love.

What is it about marriage that brings out my conviction? I can feel it, the absolute immovable determination to make it work and work it out no matter what. I mean granted we have had our share of trauma, PTSD, Traumatic Brain injury, bulging discs, and at no point do I ever think " if it gets too much I'll just leave" , impossible, implausible, not me, not ever. He is mine and I am his and we work , who else can you sit up watching youtube videos of old cartoons until 4 am with your 5 month old asleep in your arms? Who else will let you sleep in, make you coffee, and breakfast, give you child free computer time while you eat said coffee and breakfast and then listen to you complain about being tired with sympathy? Who else will play any board game ever, anytime any place? or make meaningful observations about designs you are working on? or say you look good in anything ( and actually mean it!)?

Who else could fit so perfectly? no one. SO here's to marriage and four years of it and many more to come. Here's to making a statement in this fickle throw away culture that something will remain and outlast all others. Here's to being completely satisfied with an aspect of life, and to being in Love, mindblowing, earthshattering, breathcatching love. Here's to having a best friend who wants to be there forever, and make children and let the love compound over and over and over again.

My Dad is an awesome Gardener

So was my Grandpa, I remember seeing pictures of giant tomatos as large as Grapefruits that he grew while living at the coast. He always had an excellent array of plants and vegetables and knew how to grow them all well. The only two things I can actually remember about my grandparents during my younger years when they lived in Victoria and we lived in Edmonton was a visit to the duck pond outside their home and my grandpa's large garden. My dad also has a green thumb and spends endless hours of enjoyment just puttering around the yard in the spring and summer. We always had a veggie garden filled with carrots , lettuce, swiss chard, beets, onions, tomatoes and other yummy delights. And I can remember countless times when Allison and I would wander out behind the garage and spoil our supper by eating large quantities of snap peas and green beans. And now I am starting my own gardening career, I am not couting the pathetic attempts at keeping anything from drying up in the hot Texas sun, or the one oregano plant I managed to grow in Calgary. But now I'm really and truly checking labels for the right climate zones, buying only perennials, planning plants which nourish with food like strawberries and tomatos. And who knew that it would be so fun, and addictive, that crazy me who has a hard time turning off my brain and sitting still would love just hanging out with the dirt and relaxing. I mean we definately have the yard for it, and all the space I could ever need. I guess what amazes me is that I used to hate it, being corraled to help weed the garden when I was younger, told to water everyday after supper. I guess this is another post about growing up, moving on, discovering who I really am and what is important to me.

And speaking of: Norah is awake so off I go, putting someone else before myself? never would have happened five years ago :)

Leaf in the Wind

So, today at the mothers group there was a speaker from the local produce place called Fresh Abundance , which basically is a non profit group out to feed the world healthy veggies. Of course their project is bigger than that but really doesn't it all boil down to saving the world at some point? SO it has me thinking about my issues with food, the fact that I do 99.9% of the cooking for my household, that I love to try new things, new flavours; strong flavours, that I love to go grocery shopping and that in my little microcosm the cooking of supper is perhaps the only means of control I get to exercise.

Seth is alternately extremely scheduled and totally spontaneous, for example; outings, shopping trips, swimming, visiting etc needs to be PLANNED, there has to be a few days notice if not weeks. We usually map out most of a week at the beginning and then live from the Calender. I can ususally spring a trip somewhere tested and true, ( like Safeway, or out to Applebees) but anyplace new is out of the question on short notice. NOW the other part is the spontaneous, he is susceptible to anxiety attacks, flashbacks, migraines, and exreme physical pain which can basically, at a moments notice, kill all best laid plans.

And then there is Abby and Norah, they both need stability, naps, a basic schedule, so once again the most planned and anticipated outing in the world is at the mercy of a two and a half year old and her sidekick the 3 month old. Also let's not forget the need for a toddler to have all things the same all the time, same blankets, same sequences, same outings, same methods, etc, I live in the world of everything being dictated by someone else and really what mother doesn't but my point is that I want to decide something.

And so in other words deciding what to eat, when to eat, and what it will taste like is one of the few things that I can control. It makes me feel stable in my life, which can be so very very unstable. I enjoy it, I love grocery shopping, trying new foods, ethnic foods, (Vietnamese is my soul food,) and so the thought of having someone drop fresh unknown food completely out of my control on my doorstep once a weeks kind of scares me.

And yet... it is such a good idea, such delicious, tasty, fresh, organic, healthy veggies and I can always pick up something I really have to have. I guess it is really time to grow up, to think about what I am eating, to learn about growing it myself and give a little (more) control away, who needs it really,

Leaf in the wind....Leaf in the wind...Leaf in the wind...Leaf in the wind...Leaf in the wind...