Abby had her dance recital this past weekend, it went very well and she did wonderfully. For her first experience being on stage in front of a large crowd she was very composed and remembered all her steps well.. but oh those butterflies! Poor thing was so nervous, she tried really hard to contain it and we had numerous discussions about how being nervous was perfectly normal and it happened to everyone. I stuffed her full of as much banana as I could (due to it's perhaps real or perhaps imaginary calming properties that at least made me feel like I had done everything I could.) Then dropped her off at the backstage area with a passel of other kids all in various stages of undress, and hoped and prayed that all would go well.
Abby has undergone a softening of her previously fiercely self assured personality in the past little while. She is feeling more, and acting less, she is growing up and becoming more aware of herself inside her surroundings which can be enlightening and terrifying too. So I wasn't sure whether she would calmly let me leave her to the chaos of the room or hang onto my legs sobbing and fervently request to accompany me to my seat.
Luckily, and I have a beautiful little girl in a sailors suit to thank for this, she made a friend instantly. They spent their time before the performance parading around together introducing each other to their classmates. SO really I had nothing to worry about, my little Abby who so easily makes friends and treats them well always rises to the top, not that I was worried mind you.... really... wasn't worried...
She danced beautifully and when we met her after the performance with two of her very best friends a bouquet of roses from mom and dad, and a potted gerbera daisy from Papa and Grandma she almost cried from joy. This child amazes me everyday, she is so thoughtful and considerate, intelligent and inquisitive, I see myself, then Seth then something completely amazing and new in her.
I was told about sleepless nights, I was warned about frustration, fear and worry, I was aware I would never have any free time again. But no one mentioned the awe, the elation, the pride and wonderment that having and raising a child brings to your life. The love that almost rips you in two.